Bitter Betty Whats-Her-Name.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whether  it is writing songs or writing a blog, they are both helpful ways for me to process. Yet, sometimes writing a blog or song can be very vulnerable because you lay prey to everyone seeing what’s going on underneath the outside. Sometimes it’s heartbreak, sometimes it’s observation, sometimes it’s a funny story that needs to be told. Well, this blog will not be putting my best foot forward. It’s not going to paint me in the best light, but, it is real and because it’s helpful for me to be forthright and honest in my writing, I’ve decided to share my latest thoughts.

Ever heard the expression “Bitter Betty?” well…yeah…I have. A couple of weeks ago I was in a funk. I was Bitter Betty Whats-Her Name. Like a major funk where you are annoyed by EVERYTHING. You know the scene from FRIENDS when Rachel is pregnant and is annoyed by Ross’s breathing?–she snaps at him for “breathing” too loudly. Haha. Yup. I could relate. But alas, she had crazy pregnancy hormones to blame her irritability on and oh wait, I did not. But the funny thing about this funk was that there was no reason for it. I didn’t just get broken up with, I didn’t lose a job, I didn’t fight with a friend…I was just in a BAD mood. And everything irritated me. I couldn’t get out of it. It was also the type of funk that makes you start listing all of the negative attributes of yourself and then those negative thoughts just keep circulating and make you fall further into the funk. Not so fun.

Poor Jill…she, being my BFF, took the brunt of the funk attitude I was handing out. Let me tell you…I had no trouble communicating my thorough annoyance around the clock. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she would have slapped crazy on my forehead and gotten the heck outta dodge. I was the wicked witch from the south. Except witch is not the right word…it rhymes with witch and starts with the second letter of the alphabet. Yup. There you go…that was definitely more me. Wicked bitch from the south.

I don’t know what got into me. All I know, is that I started to feel so badly about myself that I was close to tears several times a day. Around that time, we were asked to play a couple songs for a group of people at a conference. We played three songs, and immediately I walked off stage and had to hold myself together with all I had to wait until I was in the car to unleash the tears that had welled up in my eyes. The funk had reached my core & it affected how I felt onstage. Yikes. This was not good. It had nothing to do with our actual performance. We received nothing but kind words and rave reviews of our time onstage…but for me it was the little negative thoughts/lies that had been lurking around during the funk that I was starting to believe. The red light flashed in my head that this was seriously not okay for me to be thinking/believing these things. Warning. Warning. Warning.

It wasn’t that I thought I had done a horrible job or thought I’d failed. It was the fact that I was in a funk, with no reason to be in a funk. And then I would get more upset with myself that I was in a funk instead of enjoying life to the fullest. It was a sick cycle. I was upset, then upset that I was upset. Grrrr.

After the performance I was supposed to go to the movies with some friends but opted out. I headed home and was emotionally exhausted. I put on some comfy sweats, made some of my favorite snacks (popcorn and a plate of dark chocolate & fresh strawberries…and YUP…I ate it all) and climbed in bed and watched some Army Wives. Nothing like over-dramatic television to make you cry when you are already in a not-so-great place. I cried but I kept replaying the words of my dear friends. I was okay and it was okay to be in a funk.

The next morning I woke up with a little less funk in my trunk. HAha. Had to make that joke. No seriously, the funky presence was a little bit less present. The next day a little less…and so on and so forth. So, what can I blame my funk on? A myriad of things: the weather, my hormones (I am a 28 year old woman you know), the fact that I don’t have my own island to vacation on or the fact that sometimes you just hit a funk. Now, I’m not saying that there is a magic fix to this funk. For me it’s just eased its way out of me. But, I needed to take responsibility for my less than sunny display of attitude. I needed to apologize to the people I was short with. I needed to thank my friends who took time to call and see how I was that next morning after the show. It’s friends who help you out of these times. They tolerate your bad attitude and then go the extra mile to encourage you that you haven’t lost all sanity and that things will be okay.

At the end of the day when you find yourself in a funk, I think you need to remember the things that are true about you. If your bad attitude is not necessarily tied to a specific situation (like mine was) remembering that YOU are in charge of your own attitude can help get you out of it. No one else. You have the ability to look at something and get upset/frustrated OR you can not make a big deal out of it and get over it. And if your bad attitude is related to a specific situation, I recently heard a friend of mine say that often times situations surrounding us cannot change but we can change our attitude. You can still be in the situation but have a better outlook on things.

So, there you have it. Those are my thoughts. Thanks for letting me share.

-kate

35 Responses to “Bitter Betty Whats-Her-Name.”

  1. Paulianne Says:

    Hi, girls.

    We’ve all been there and sometimes, there’s no apparent reason, even though some insensitive boyfriends might like to blame it on PMS (that’s when you know it’s time to dump them).

    I’m a big fan. Love the music and the blog.

    God bless you, girls!

    Paulianne

  2. Mary B. Says:

    I love when you share deep thoughts like this with us. I know yall are chicks just like me who go through crappy situations just like me and have to deal with them just like me lol

    I get in these funks too but mines mostly caused by mother natures stupid gift every month lol and my mom being my best friend usually bares the brunt of it and after im feeling happy again i apologize for acting like that lol

    It sux though cause in the moments of the funk you know you’re being a witch with a capital B lol but it wont turn off!

    but anyways im glad the funk went away!!

  3. Sandy Penney Says:

    I really enjoyed reading that. You always appear to have a very happy and pleasant disposition, so feeling miserable can wear on you that’s for sure.
    I’m glad to hear you’re back to your old self again.

  4. Sarah Says:

    I think this is something anyone can relate to. Reminded me of this quote: Your problem is never really your problem. Your reaction to your problem is your problem.

  5. Dani Says:

    I can relate for sure. I think everyone can. I do love Kate-deep-in-thought-blogs haha. ❤

    I think this calls for a group hug!!

  6. Melissa Says:

    Great blog, Kate. I think it happens to everyone at some point or another. And even when you just can’t figure out why & you want it to stop, for some reason just telling yourself to knock it off doesn’t always help.

    Also, I don’t know if I’ve ever read the word “funk” as many times in such a short period as I just did! haha

  7. Jenny Says:

    Kate…thanks so much for sharing! I thought I was the only one who had these times. I’ve been going through a similar thing lately. Stupid funks! (btw love that Friends episode haha!) Anyway… you’re AMAZING! and glad you got through the funk:)

  8. Miriam Says:

    Kate,

    First off, glad you’re feeling better and thanks for sharing that. I love your writing style of making jokes in the middle of telling a serious story, it keeps me pretty engaged. Funks happen. It would be unnatural to be 100% sunny and happy all the time. Not to mention exhausting. While I tend to be Pretty Positive Polly, there are times it just doesn’t happen. But then, you spend time with friends, let out a good cry, read a good quote, listen to an awesome song (perhaps from a certain duo. 🙂 ) and…it gets better.

    Dwayne Dyer has one of my favorite quotes that I think fits here, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

    So cheers, hope y’all have a great, safe and FUN 4th!

  9. Fiorella Says:

    Honestly kate… WOW , im speechless

    “often times situations surrounding us cannot change but we can change our attitude”

    I can totally relate to this blog.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Ps: you should write a book. I’d buy it 🙂

    • Fiorella Says:

      This is random but your blog turned my brain off. I swear it took me like 20 minutes to write that little comment

  10. JoAnn Says:

    It’s like you were writing about me… thanks for the perspectives! Glad to know we all have those moments. Thanks so much for sharing your gifts with us… music, humor, blog… it’s appreciated more than you know!!

  11. gypsygies Says:

    Ok but you should Totally write a song “Bitty Betty What’s-her-name” because that would just be fun to sing along to.

    Don’t know that you or anybody would read this BUT ~
    It’s just called “a depression” and it actually is quite normal. Esp for sensitive deep-hearted women – it is A-O.K. Sometimes simply being in the World itself can build up on you, tiny unnoticed things in a day, in the weather, everything can build up and you can’t place a specific thing on your list yet your are down, or irritable. The build up of the world. But most important is to understand that’s it’s natural and just *happens*. I’m so so glad that you have such beautiful people around you, Kate, who are understanding enough and know you and your kind heart enough to just ride it out.
    I have found if I just take all those negative-songs that “hit the spot” and sit myself down and just BE there – just DO it…let myself fall into Black, but since I’m there for that purpose it’s sortof a controlled fall – and at the wayside, when I’m down in the blackest of black, there are the slow-buildling “up” songs to gently pull me back up…keep by the side the songs that inspire you to be strong, to shine true …stuff like “I’m still standing” – Elton John, or “Fighter” Christina A., “Times Are Hard for lovers” by John Waite always gets to me…songs that once you are BROKEN, you have gotten it out…if you play them over & over enough they will start to sink in…take hold…essentially, if you notice yourself getting “hormonal”…break yourself and build yourself up again on Purpose. It builds in a structure of control to it. Flush it out & renew. Let the Phoenix rise again. :’)
    That’s my 2 cents on that.

    And I must say here Kate – standing from afar, from someone who has never even met you…you are one of the most beautiful, kindest, most giving souls I’ve know *of*. I know sometimes you don’t think so…but you can’t save the world. Only influence it. And that my dear – you Do. You both do. Your blogs, your tuesday-tweets, your charity, your chatter in vlogs or concerts, your very personalities give to us…they really do. Simple communication is the greatest give of this race – it’s how we grow. All of us.

    • gypsygies Says:

      meant “Simple communication is the greatest GIFT of this race – it’s how we grow. All of us.”

      And you probably owe Jill a drink, though. Something tasty and expensive c’mon she’s earned it.

  12. nataliana3 Says:

    Thanks for sharing Kate! I do love reading your blogs! and I’m glad you feel better now! 🙂

  13. Erin Says:

    This usually happens to me around a specific time of the month. I just turn into a hot, bitchy mess. So I completely relate. I’m negative nelly//debbie downer. It’s really cute…not.

  14. Selena Says:

    Thank you for being willing to open up and share both good and bad times with us. I’m used to seeing you happy and hyper, so it’s a bit hard to imagine you in the role you described! That being said, it certainly doesn’t make me think less of you. It’s just further proof that you’re a real person with real feelings and real problems (which is obvious, regardless, of course), who’s able to admit it. Remember, even the best of us can get in funks.

    I’ve been there. I guess it’s usually a more specific issue. Sometimes it just seems like it’s always something, whether it’s some big problem(s) or lots of little ones piling up. Still, like you, I’ve got into bad moods and wondered why and what the excuse was. Then once you get to that place, it’s much easier to let the negative thoughts come in and to pull yourself out of it, even if you’re aware. Of course, the funks are also capable of leaving as suddenly and mysteriously as they appeared, and I’ve noticed plenty of instances where I was down in the dumps for awhile, but with little to no change in the situation, I just felt and handled it better. So, yeah, I know where you’re coming from, Kate, and evidently, many others understand as well. This is sort of like group therapy online…or maybe just heart-to-hearts with you and the fans. It’s nice. Well, anyway…

    Take care, Kate (and Jill). And, funks, leave ’em alone!

    • Selena Says:

      Oops, I just noticed this…

      “it’s much easier to let the negative thoughts come in and to pull yourself out of it, even if you’re aware.”

      I should’ve put a “harder” before to pull…

  15. Amanda Says:

    Well this is really relevant, as I am legitimately pouting in my bed as we speak (I mean… as I write this…). I’ve been in a funk for probably the past week and I don’t even have an excuse like mother nature to blame! I just… I’ve been in a foul mood, you know? Well… obviously you do know. I have quite a “sassy” personality, as some people would describe it, but I feel as though my sass has been outright replaced with snark for the last few days. My poor friends and family! My dad was even in town the past 3 days for business, and we had a blast during his time off, but I seriously caught myself quite a few times just being straight up mean! Not cool of me, especially since I don’t get to see him a lot. I feel bad and have since apologized (which of course he understood), but I still really couldn’t shake that funky feeling until reading this. It was kind of like… a revelation just happened. I got all calm and stuff. Look at the impact you have on people Kate! Haha. But seriously though… Keep your chin up… and I’ll try taking my own advice 🙂 I’m gonna go bond with Molly Ringwald now. *nods*

  16. Elise Says:

    They (whoever they is) say the hardest thing in the world is to be vulnerable, and that the most important and testing vulnerability is to turn yourself inside out.

    Your honesty is the best policy is refreshing, so don’t stop throwing it out there 🙂
    I don’t know you but I’d give you a high five…so ¥ (that’s the closest looking *high five* on a keyboard…..I tried)

  17. Hailey Bart Says:

    Kate, I’m glad you were open enough and vulnerable enough to share this. Every one goes through “funks” even if they’re the happiest people you know. Now, I don’t think we’ll ever have the answer to the “why” question, but sometimes we just have to take a step back and see where that funk can lead us. It can be in a bad way or a good way. What I’ve learned is that everything we go through is going to be part of this amazing story. Our stories. And who wants to read a story that’s just about happiness all the time? God puts us through situations to make us stronger and maybe even help others. The next time you’re in a funky mood, try to reflect on the positive of that attitude and what the positive is that could lead from the situation. Then, you always have your fans/friends/family who lift you back up and love listening to that chapter of your story. So thanks for sharing. I hope this post makes sense? ❤ love ya xo

  18. Jamie Says:

    I had a few days like this recently. I was flying to Chicago, and I was having trouble sleeping. Normally, I rarely speak to anyone on a flight. I have an ability to sleep on every flight. I couldn’t sleep though and there was an older woman next to me. She grabbed my arm and asked if I was all right. I don’t know how she did it, but she got me talking about all the things that had been weighing down on me. It took a stranger to get me to open up. I told her how I had worked my butt off to get a job on my favorite television show just to find out it got a mid season pickup for next year. I’d had a terrible breakup that had rocked my world. I’ve found myself in a lot of after parties recently. For a small town kid who had never seen drugs or so much free alcohol, I threw myself into having a good time. People would tell me “you are so much fun this way,” so I continued on that path. It’s funny when you begin to have bad thoughts about yourself how that in turn makes you treat yourself worse. Vicious circle, indeed! I don’t really know really why I said some of these things, but I hope you find yourself in a happy place. Heck most of the time I think everyone is just trying to make it through in one piece.

  19. Jaclyn Says:

    Wow. You have impeccable timing with this blog. I’ve been going through a funk for the past week now. There are a few reasons behind it, but you described exactly how I’ve been feeling. I started taking everything out on the people around me and so I isolated myself. I didn’t use the internet, I wouldn’t answer my phone and whenever someone was home, I’d lock myself in my room. It sucks though when your parents and friends say “just snap out of it”….I wanted to punch everyone that kept telling me that because it’s not something you can just “snap out” of. It takes time. I’m not fully out of the funk but I’m getting there. Thanks for the blog 🙂

  20. Lauren M. Says:

    I’ve been there, of course we all have. I remember last year I was going through some hard times at work. Things were changing and I had to adjust to it and it was hard. We had important company to come to our store and everybody was a nervous wreck. Managers would take out their anger and frustration on us and then it would ruin our day. I also made a lot of mistakes *easy ones* I might say that caused us to fail. I was in a bad mood all day and stressed out. It didn’t end there, a few days later, I got a *warning* for that simple mistake. Never gotten in trouble like that in 6 years that i’ve been there therefore, another bad day… So I had to figure out what’s been going on with me and my job. I realized my attitude was the problem. I wasn’t taking things seriously, I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing and I just flat out didn’t care. So, I prayed about it and prayed about it, and with time things started to get better and I learned from my mistakes.

    I always tell myself “today is gonna be a good day” That helps keep the negative energy away and it makes me a more cheerful person.

    I hope this made sense to what you were implying, Kate and I’m glad things are better for you.

    Much love to you both:)

  21. E Says:

    Glad to hear that it passed. Glad to hear your friends let you have your moment.
    I tend to retreat from my social circle (friends, family, co-workers) when the “mood” strikes. I don’t want my energy bringing everyone else down.
    Men punch things, women emote – such is life!

  22. Rebekah Says:

    Dear Kate,
    The number of posts on this entry is proof enough to know you are not alone in the funk department. That’s what makes humans so amazing; that we can express empathy.
    Someone once said to me that it takes a dark night to appreciate a bright day. What good is a roller coaster if doesn’t have any ups and downs? I would be asking for a refund immediately 🙂
    I won’t claim to know you, but from I have seen and read you are a very cheerful person – and it’s perfectly acceptable to need a re-boot ever now and again 🙂
    Another thing that I perceive is that you come from a great family and that is an amazing thing that you are blessed with. You also have been blessed with the gift of music, which for many is better than the balm of Gilead.
    My funks are almost always directly related to me learning to undo the hurt and damage from a dysfunctional upbringing. I won’t even begin to divulge on such a public platform (which by the way, takes a lot of guts woman – go you). Even with all that garbage and valid reason to sulk I think of people who are far worse off than me and it’s what always pulls me back up.
    The moments I lose myself in service is when I am at my most happy self. I come out thankful and with a resolve to be better and always serve and remember those less fortunate.
    We all go through it, which weirdly doesn’t negate or lessen your experience but only makes it more valid and it builds people like me up knowing that I’m not going it alone.
    Thank you for sharing,
    Funky Fresh Female

  23. Lynne Says:

    Kate Glad your out of your funk!!

    Couldnt relate more couple weeks ago was in the biggest funk of my life and couldn’t even make it through work got out of it a little still lingers though and actually down at this moment but I know it will be better one day or soon and wanted to thank you for sharing this blog one of ur best yet….always gets better and change ur attitude love it and love u guys!!!!

    Thank you for being the reason some Of us get through rough times!!! U guys are awesome and def make a huge impact in mylife……thank you!!!

  24. Boston_Holly Says:

    Thanks for sharing Kate and so eloquently describing how a funk can become a nasty, not-so-fun cycle. It’s so annoying to be annoyed at being annoyed!!! Yikes. And props to Jill for taking the brunt of it along the way. I think a lot of us have been where you’ve been, and it really is our friends who help us out of it along with some good old-fashioned perspective and attitude adjustment. Glad you’re feeling more like yourself. 🙂

  25. Becki Says:

    You’re human sweetie. Indulge.

  26. Pam Says:

    A few weeks ago, I was in my own sort of “funk,” but there were reasons for it. I won’t ramble about what happened, nor will I go all Dr. Phil, but after a while, I realized that I had to suck things up and move forward because there are MUCH worse things going on. My pety issue (even though it seemed major to me) was nothing compared to issues that are going on all over the world, whether that be war, poverty, etc.

    This also was an eye opener and made me realize that I can’t mope around and be upset about something and instead, chase that dream. Now if only I really took my own advice…..

    btw, quality post, Kate. 🙂

    …and now I’m realizing that my post doesn’t really have to do with your post. oops. oh well 🙂

  27. Michelle Says:

    Hey Kate!
    In life everything has it’s place, even been in a major down. Figuring out what it is and why, well that’s normally the hard part.
    You will find that it had its reason, even if it was simply to get it out in the open by typing this blog. Your message may just help someone else today who’s in the same frame of mind.
    The real measure of dealing with it was the ability to overcome it one day at a time and there are a lot of people that i have seen that don’t get back up on their feet and it kinda just eats away at them.
    You should be proud of yourself for recognizing it for what it was and coming out of it on top.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  28. MissingTrain Says:

    Nothing more to say than: Another awesome blog. Totally relate & totally agree.

  29. Marleen Says:

    Another great blog!!

  30. Sam Clegg Says:

    Kate! It sucks that you felt that way chick, you have ways of helping / making people feel better that you dont even realise, like these blogs, you’re an amazing person.

    keep smiling girl 🙂 x

  31. cassieleetx Says:

    I randomly check your blogs at some point every day because I really enjoy reading your thoughts no matter what it’s on.

    I write a lot too whether it’s lyrics or in my blog as well because really, in all honesty, getting it out of your mind and system is a relief.. especially if you can’t find the right way to get it out to a friend when it’s just one of those funks like you were in. I’ve been there before. I haven’t always had reasons for my funks but I always overcame them. I was going through my lyrics yesterday and reading some of them brought back some bitter memories and realizations of the states I was in when I was writing.. but I have always believed that we go through funks like this to become stronger and better people. That we build more character from them and we gain lessons learned. Because in the end, we get better. IT gets better. So it’s perfectly normal to go through stages like that and it’s so great that your friends understood your position and were there for you and caring of your stability so much rather than not being able to put up with it. That helps you remain stable and no matter how irritable y’all get during the funk, at the end of it, it only draws y’all closer, right? That’s what I’ve always believed too. Your closest friends are going to be the ones going through the funk with you (pretty much) and it’s only going to draw the friendships closer and it’s always great to form even tighter bonds with your BFF’s.

    I guess my main point is that even if the funk is all negative nancy and terrible, all the things waiting at the end of it is going to make up for it all.. because nothing but great things will come out of it.

    I hope your blog helped you feel even better. Thanks for posting this. It’s always nice to read things I can relate to and gain insight or advice from. Glad things are looking up for you again! =] Much love Kate!! ❤ Keep Smiling!! 🙂

  32. jenbug1988 Says:

    I’m totally late in reading this and SO wish I had read it earlier this week.
    I’ve been like this for the last week and couldn’t figure why and it’s been so hard trying to keep a front because I’m working with kids all day and just cannot be in a funk at all and then as soon as I was on my own I would just be in tears.
    I tried to put it down to home sickness as I’ve been away now for a month in the USA but I’ve been here before and never got homesick last time so I was just annoyed.
    EVERY little tid bit made me feel crappy, everything someone did that was pretty much nothing would make me cry or feel bad about myself, I was convinced I was doing a bad job, everyone hated me etc.

    Still a little in this funk right now and I’ve been so close to quitting to go home and just get away from here, but yet I’m in one of the most amazing places.

    Yeah like I said I wish I had read this blog earlier, makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one that just gets in random funks.

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